Trump Admin Working on Plans to 'Release Whistleblower'
WASHINGTON D.C. Sources inside the White House have confirmed that the Trump administration working with the Office of the Director of National Intelligence are working around the clock on a plan to "release the Whistleblower" who filed a complaint about President Trump's conduct with Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky. The unnamed intelligence official who filed the complaint has been seeking access through proper channels to brief Congress.
"We've got a 'transcript' of the 'phone call,'" our source said, making air-quotes. "They don't record those things--they just take notes--so who's to say who said what to whom? I mean, this is all about Sneaky Joe Biden and his Crooked Son Hill--I mean Hunter. Anyway, Trump is the most transparent admin in history. You can practically see right through them--I mean, fucking Giuliani keeps going on TV and saying the treasonous shit out loud. How can you get more transparent than that??"
The plan, according to insiders, consists of rigging the five hundred and fifty--five foot tall Washington Monument with some sort of counter-balance propelling device and then loading the whistleblower into it to be rocketed from the top in what experts describe as a "terminal arc."
"Everyone's gonna see what he was thinking--" our source said, with a pause, "well, what's inside his head anyway."
The Trump 2020 campaign is working on designs for T-shirts, hats, and a commemorative coin for the event which would be highly publicized and have tickets sold on OANN and Fox & Friends.
"We could get a big turn-out--especially if this guy is a liberal--and having the 'flinging device' would save time if Trump does win another term. There's a buncha people who could go up in there." Our source confirmed.
"We're just waiting for the goahead from Vladimir Putin and the final touches and then? We'll be ready to brief congress. In fact, we're gonna put 'em right in the landing zone. They'll like that."