Ben Shapiro Reduced To Tears: 'I Thought Facts Would Care About MY Feelings'
Ben Shapiro the right's most intelligent and accomplished intellectual was reduced to tears today when he learned that his famous "Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings" slogan applied to him as well. The shock was staggering according to those close to him and familiar with his thinking.
"He was . . . bawling. He said Leftist Tears felt good but discovered that his own tears hurt," said our source. The 'Leftist Tears' logo marks some of the merchandise that he sells on his website indicating that the drinking of crying leftists is "delicious."
The sobbing Shapiro said that the time he taunted Trayvon Martin's parents on Twitter on the anniversary of their dead son's birthday was "all in good fun--for me"--but that now that he had learned that facts were willing and able to "turn on him" he was heartbroken and emotionally injured.
"I said Bad Jews vote Democrat," he sobbed, according to our source. "I suddenly wondered--what if I'm the Bad Jew? What if calling other Jews 'Bad Jews' is . . . bad?" his voice was hushed.
"What if I'm the bully?" he asked his voice breaking. "I went to all those colleges to hurt the kid's feelings and . . . what if . . . what that was so much fun--but what if that's what the kids who bullied me in high school felt? What if now I was doing it to them?"
This revelation seemed to come at a bad time. Shapiro--working on creating a culture clash that would be beneficial to president Trump's campaign was being done not for any conservative orthodoxy but because Mr. Shapiro felt it would 'hurt liberal's feelings.'
"What if my whole life--my whole enterprise--has just been about trying to be as much of a bully and hurt as many people's feelings as I can--but when someone does that to me it--it's awful," he sobbed. "Facts--facts turned on me! The fucking facts BETRAYED ME!"
Sources said he resolved the conflict by deciding that so long as there were more liberal tears than conservative tears, he would still be good. "I'll tell everyone they need to be civil," he told his friends. "I'll wave that around so that people will go 'gosh, that Ben is a Good Guy'! Then when they don't expect it, I'll HURT their FEELINGS!"
The source said that Ben was appalled to discover that everyone from Glenn Beck to Erick Erickson had tried the exact same stunt and it was no longer working.
"WHY, FACTS, WHY??" wailed a distraught screaming at the sky.
He then returned to trying to get AOC to date or, at least, debate him.