SCOOP: Trump Asked Aides About Using 'The Nuclear' To Stop The Stock-Market Sell-Off


According to experts in the room (available due to our peerless access journalism) Donald Trump, faced with stock-market declines that he felt could threaten his re-election campaign asked if it was possible to use nuclear weapons to salvage the economy or, at least, stop the falling stock prices.

"They're doing this just to try to stop my election!" thundered Trump, according to our source. "They want to play rough? We can play rough. Get me some projections. If I drop one [ bomb? ] there," he said, pointing to a tourist map of New York he had brought with him, indicating Wall Street, "What happens? What happens to all the traitor-Jews."

Staff, apparently, were silent.

"Seems like it could work," answered Department of Energy head Rick Perry, who aides believed had been reading his phone through the meeting had had no expertise with nuclear weapons in any event. Trump, according to our source, considered his options. "Okay--so if we use The Nuclear [sic?] do we--what bad happens?"

"You could hear jaws landing on the floor," our source relayed. "The president is talking about nuking New York and asking 'what bad could happen'?" Finally someone spoke up listing several million dead, nuclear fallout, and so on.

"It's a blue state," Trump allegedly replied. "They're not going to vote for me. What about my Tower? My Hotels?"

According to the source, his Trump Tower SOHO hotel would not be far enough from the blast radius to make it an attractive property for visiting Saudi princes.

Thankfully this was sufficient for Trump to reconsider.

According to our source, Trump had held similar meetings concerning Canada, the G7, and "asshole" Justin Amash.

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