ALERT: DEMS HAVE PEE TAPE
While you were wondering what had come over the president--Alex Jones said it was drugs in his Diet Coke--Ben Collins had a scoop that John Kelly had mastered the art of hypnosis--and most of the Red-Hat club blamed Javanka--we were out there, under the covers--in this case the very unsavory somewhat . . . 'humid' covers--getting the true story.
You've wondered why he:
Caved so fast on the Debt-Ceiling and Government Spending debates
Offered up a pledge to act on DACA to save DREAMERS without making the Great Southern Wall a requirement
Reneged on the absolute refusal to quit the Paris Climate Accord.
Now we know.
It's a BOMBSHELL.
IT'S WORSE THAN YOU FEARED.
NANCY AND CHUCK HAVE THE PEE TAPE
WE REPEAT: THEY HAVE THE PEE TAPE.
We've seen stills that are definitely the Moscow Ritz-Carlton where President Obama and then real estate magnate Donald Trump slept and, until now allegedly, did things. Those things, well, they uh--they involve--there is no other way to say this: prostitutes peeing on the down comforter made exclusively by Frette in India and using 100% extra-long staple colored cotton sateen at 400 thread-count (retailing for 345.00 USD in King Size).
Those who have seen the video say that it begins in the full-marble bathroom with stone accents and a Rainforest Shower Head (starting at 679.95 USD) with the "girls" laughing and undressing--using his code name 'уродливые волосы' which in Russian translates to "ugly hair." Once they have removed all but their underwear and shirts (Women's 3-Seahorses tee at 32.03 USD), they are then made to "bathe" in what is described as "a bucket" of Method Green Tea Handwash Gel (34.14 USD, Amazon). At this point they are ready for the unspeakable.
Our contact says that having shown Mr. Trump a copy of the tape at their closed-door meeting (from which Ryan and McConnell were excluded--now we know why!) Trump was willing to offer any "deal they wanted. Including, if necessary, Melania--but that Baron was off limits and if they wanted Tiffany, well, he'd throw her in as a sweetener."
But Pelosi and Schumer are not ones to do things simply. What our contact outlined was a phase of forcing increasingly liberal, progressive behavior to break the spirits of the Trump-dubious. At this point they would have him nominate Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court--to force a hearing (this would coincide with a Ginsburg resignation Pelosi feels she can engineer).
When Garland is undoubtedly voted down, his next nominee would be . . . former president Barack Obama. Trump would use the remnants of his base to primary anyone standing against him--but they felt by this time the Democrats would have 51 seats in the Senate and they could just put anyone they want in there.
We are just now seeing this play out, folks.
UPDATE: Everyone who has reviewed this story has asked for further descriptions of the actual urination. We refuse to provide them here--but it's not too difficult to find out: go ask your girlfriend to pee on your bed. You'll get everything you deserve.
UPDATE: It looks like the so-called Pee Tape is actually a cut of Girls Gone Totally Wild that was uploaded to YouTube and overlaid with fake Russian. We're leaving this up just in case--but thus far nothing other than the pricing of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel furnishings can be confirmed.