Erick Erickson: 'Selling My Soul Out For Trump Didn't Work So Good'

Erick Erickson, former CNN political commentator and #NeverTrump-Curious Evangelical Christian issued a call for funding today after admitting that having "sold out his principles for Trump-traffic wasn't working so well."

"I originally thought I could take a principled, Christian position against Trump. I felt like I had the juice--but it turned out that most of my fellows were just looking for a cultural warrior who could win and didn't care about Trump's behavior or morals."

"The shocking part came when I realized I didn't either. I still try to maintain a front of being kinda objective on Trump--but the problem is? It's not profitable. They can sniff me out. I've alienated the hard-core Trumpists who demand absolute loyalty--but I can't maintain a Christian position either because that kind of loving your neighbor doesn't get clicks."

"I had to defend Rush Limbaugh on the fucking hurricane thing," Erick complained. "Is my voice getting a little high pitched there? Shit. I hate it when that happens. Look--he argued that runs on water were irrational because models showed the hurricane turning north. Well, now it looks like it's gonna hit dead on and all the people who can't get water look stupid."

"He said that the media changed the water temperatures to make Irma look worse than it really was. I backed that up--but now they're saying it shows up on fucking earth quake sensors. That it has record-high wind speeds. I mean--I try to go with the media conspiracy and right away I'm in the Truther zone."

He shook his head.

"Back when these were dog whistles it was so much easier. I could bash feminism and women getting out of their places and people nodded along. Now? Now it's like wolf whistles and to keep up with the Trump-guys I have to endorse like, the Klan or something."

Erickson noted that he had set up a rotating series of shell companies in the Cayman island to process credit cards on a continuing basis and distribute the charge-back complaints so that no one company would accumulate enough to get black-listed.

"It's getting harder to extract money from people," Erickson lamented. "There's just too many elephants at the watering hole these days. Everyone wants to send in their money thinking it'll Make America Great Again--but who is making Erick Erickson Great Again," he asked, plantatively, his voice rising higher and higher to a sing-song whine.