Sessions: Rolling Back Affirmative Action Gives Same Benefits As Rolling Back Obamacare

Yesterday Session's Department of Justice announced that it would be pursuing action against universities that discriminated against whites (and Asians, they quick to stress--and Asians). The office in the DoJ that will be carrying this out is not the one that oversees Affirmative Action in general after that office refused to participate--but rather the front office, which is less close to the universities it will be targeting.

"We no longer need Affirmative Action," Jeff Sessions told reporters. "As with getting back to the way things were--the way things were working--with the Obamacare repeal, so too will we get back to the way things were--the way things were working by dismantling Affirmative Action."

When presented with evidence that African Americans and Hispanics do worse in states that have repealed Affirmative Action, he sneered: "That's Nate Silver--didn't he get the election entirely wrong? How can you still listen to his fake news!"

Off the record, aides noted that Sessions was looking into literacy tests for voting believing that most of Trump's base would agree they were needed to keep Democrats from unfairly using foreign nationals to pad their voting numbers. "Just remember that Jim Crow was a Democrat!" said the staffer who was, apparently, unaware that Jim Crow was a fictional character.

"Sessions--and most Trump-supporters understands that Obamacare was designed to help minorities over white people. They understand that Affirmative Action was done not to improve the lives of blacks--but to tear down the rights of whites. Back in the day we had an orderly society where everyone knew their place--and that's what Jeff wants to get back to," said the source.

Indeed, the reaction from Trump's base so far has been positive.

"White people are very attuned to racial discrimination when it happens to them--in even trace amounts," says noted psychohistorian Harold Seldon (U. of Trantor). "The general belief by whites--especially those with only a high school education or less--is that racism in America is a thing of the past--yet still, paradoxically, exists in great amounts against the dominant culture. This is facilitated by observation bias where systemic racial discrimination against African Americans is ignored--but any statement, policy, or event that impacts a person of lighter-skin immediately rises to the top of their consciousness."

Indeed, the praise was quick in coming:

"This could be a pivot point for the administration," speculated alt-Right observers--"and possibly save Jeff Session's job."

Although the mission was set out to improve any person whom Affirmative Action discriminates against, most supporters were quick to point out the "Asian angle" despite the fact that Asians are generally over-represented on college campuses today.

"Getting back to the way things were when this country was great," Sessions noted, "will require a pretty strong roll-back thanks to liberal social experimentation. We can re-segregate the military from transsexuals and homosexuals. We might even be able to get back to our army the way it was before WWII--before Truman and his racial liberalism."