Emboldened By SCOTUS Decision, Trump Contemplates Dirty-Hippy-Ban


According to those close to him, the president, having gotten a partial reprieve from the Supreme Court on his embattled Immigration EO, is considering a second Executive Order to ban 'dirty hippies' from entering the United States. Scholars are divide on whether the issue would be constitutional noting that almost definitionally, "dirty hippies" are American citizens--however, the move appears to have broad bi-partisan support, and Justice Gorsuch is known to be strongly anti-hippy.

"America is about freedom," President Trump told assembled reporters. "Freedom to be who you want to be--to do what you want--but when it comes to unwashed, hairy, tie-dyed hippies, I think we can all agree that goes too far. "I, myself, am not a fan of 'stoners'--but stoners, whether we like it or not, are within the current boundaries of American culture. Hippies? Their time has passed--and Thank God. It's time to ensure that no more will they cross our borders or sully our nation."

The declaration was greeted with ambivalence by the #NeverTrump conservatives who noted that the politics around hippies were of little concern for them.

"If first they come for the hippies and I do not speak out because I am not a hippy," said David Frum, former speech writer for George Bush Sr., "What next? Next they come for the mosquitoes and I do not speak out because I am not a mosquito? I'm okay with that really."

Others were concerned that this might represent an overreach of presidential power--but even the ACLU was unsure if it would bring suit. "It depends on how they define 'dirty,'" said spokesman Alfred Waddle. "I mean, there could be, like a public health and safety thing here. Or, I dunno, head-lice? Sure--I could see something like that. We've got bigger things to worry about."

RealTrueNews had difficulty reaching 'dirty hippies' for comment as most individuals, even if wearing multi-colored headbands and listening to ancient cassette tapes of the 80's Freedom Rock musical collection were loathe to define themselves as "hippies."

"All I'm saying," said one Horatio Moonbeam, "is that if I were planning on leaving the country--which I am not--but if I were--I'd probably, you know, wait to see if this thing was gonna pass. I mean, if I got stuck in, like Amsterdam, that would be awesome. But anywhere else? Uh. No."

RealTrueNews will watch this closely for any developments.

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