GOP Growing Concerned About Losing Humans In 2018

In a private meeting of Republicans recorded and leaked by Evan McMullins, GOP leaders say they are growing concerned that they could lose what they refer to as the "human vote" in 2018.

"It could cost us the House, the Senate, several key Governorships--and, if the momentum isn't turned, the presidency in 2020," Speaker Paul Ryan informed the group.

"The internals that we see tell us that humans are voting in lower numbers, have bled off party support, and are being rapidly turned by the liberal media. Today even humans are starting to see Trump as a failed--or potentially failed--president. We have promised to repeal Obamacare--but too many Americans still have health care provided by humans who have to pay for it."

"We have promised to build a great wall--but America's human populace has to deal with numerous nons still streaming across the border and many still living in their neighborhoods, attending their schools, or even fighting side-by-side them in military units."

"In the recent GA-06 election we nearly lost humans for the first time in the history of that district--and we still might in the second round. They're pouring money in," a grim-faced Ryan told the group. "Our numbers with the human vote are declining. We must turn this around."

"I watched the last spelling-bee," Ryan finished. "It was clear from the young faces on that stage that humans are being crowded out in academics. In industry. In society."

Lawmakers also decried what they saw as new levels of venom and hatred in politics, often directed at them by angry constituents.

"When a few random people such as Minnesota's 7th District GOP leader posts to Facebook calling DNC member Keith Ellison a Muslim Goat Humper or a Trump delegate from Illinois tweets about police snipers getting ready to shoot niggers, behaved in a racist manner way back at the start of this year--or last year--the press was quick to jump on us for so-called racism."

"However, now that we've won, the prevailing liberal narrative is that Trump, who has accidentally re-tweeted several white-supremacists, some of whom had their descriptions in their user-names, is some sort of hard core racist. A few literal Nazis holding a 'Hail-Trump' rally and POTUS's refusal to strongly disavow that behavior somehow tars us all with the same 'racist' brush."

"It's really unacceptable. We're people--they have to respect that. America is founded on that."

Speaking to Sean Hannity, prince-ling Eric Trump said of the voting populace: "I’ve never seen hatred like this, and to me, they’re not even people,” “It’s so, so sad, I mean morality is just gone, morals have flown out the window. We deserve so much better than this as a country."