Trump-Voting Family Incredibly Relieved Comey Exonerated Trump

The Monroe family of Terry Kentucky watched the televised testimony of former FBI Director James Comey with a great deal of trepidation. At the end, though, they felt the public hearing completely exonerated the president and would bring the entire Trump-Russia affair to a quick and tidy close.

"We were worried that, you know, the Washington--I call it the Washington Beast--was going to try to take Trump away," said Alice Monroe. "He's done so much in such a short time for our nation that it's upsetting the powers-that-be. We saw this as maybe a last chance to try to take him down."

Her husband, Jack Monroe agreed. "Trump is an American hero. He saved the auto-industry from going to Mexico. He passed the largest tax-cut in American history--they said so right on TV. He's kept numerous terrorist out of the country--and now we've finally put that Russia-lie behind us."

Jack was referring to statements by former Director Comey that Mr. Trump had not been the target of the investigation, a statement that the Monroe family felt completely cleared him of all wrong-doing.

"When Nixon broke into the Watergate building," Jack explained, "he knew he was doing wrong. Trump? Well, he's new at this whole government game. He may have said some thing that ruffled some feathers--" he laughed. "That's why we voted for him! But now that we know the FBI has cleared him, it'll be smooth-sailing--right to the end of Obamacare and, finally, a real investigation in to Hillary and, I hope, Obama. No one knows where that man came from!"

The family, however, felt unsettled by some of the specifics of Comey's explanation.

"When the president speaks about his 'satellite people' having done some bad things," explained Alice Monroe in a lower, more furtive tone, "I think I get what he was talking about. I've seen some of them about--watching us--hovering in the shadows."

"The satellite people have been coming into this country--onto the planet--since the 60's. They invented the Oxycontin, you know. They come around and people vanish. TV signals go crazy. The dishes point in strange directions. We need to do something about them. I think eventually the president is going to not build just a wall--but a dome."

The family agreed, however, that it was a relief to have a president who was, at least, on good terms with the 'satellite people.'

"I think Obama maybe was one of them," explained Jack. "That would explain a lot, you know? No birth certificate. No college records. All his strange behaviors and drawing flies and such? Explain a lot. Not like Trump. Trump might do deals with these entities--but if he knows they're doing wrong, he'll take action."

They agreed that Trump would be the person most likely to stand up to the thread of Satellite People who might be harming the country. "That Rubio," said Alice, "I believe they hollowed him out and replaced him with a robot. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him."