White House: Kushner Dispatched To Alaskan Crisis


Today the White House announced that it is dispatching president Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner to the "rapidly developing" Alaskan Crisis. According to press releases from the Oval Office, Alaska First separatists have taken hold of the Alaskan Far North and are planning to march on the Alaskan Interior.

Led by former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, shown in WH documents wearing a military uniform with the same medals as Milwaukee Sheriff and erstwhile DHS Secretarial hopeful David Clarke, sources said that the AF forces could threaten vital infrastructure and oil pipelines.

"Kushner is our emergency response pick," said acting press secretary Huckabee. "His strong, quiet alliance with the Russians, who are very very close by, will allow him to coordinate a defense and counter-attack should one become necessary. He is uniquely qualified to make clandestine contacts with them for just this sort of national emergency."

"He is also possessed of superior negotiating skills used to hold successful peace-talks in the Middle East as seen during President Trump's Big European Trip."

When reports of an Alaskan separatist movement outfitted with infantry, heavy armor, and symbols representing 'glider artillery' were questioned by a shocked press corp, an uncomfortable looking General McMaster was visibly forced out to the press room lectern.

"This sort of separatist movement as being described," intoned McMaster, a 30+ year military service veteran with an impeccable record for honesty and integrity, "is--or would be--exactly the sort of crisis for which this White House is--or would be--prepared. To deal with. With Kushner."

"I am not concerned," he said, seeming to find his footing, "with any dangers associated with the as-reported succession. I believe that if there is a national security situation, of any magnitude, including," he said quickly checking his phone for what appeared to be a word definition, "any integer value," that Kushner will be well positioned to deal with it."

Facing a barrage of questions, he quickly left the stage.

RealTrueNews has been unable to verify that there is any military separatist action happening in Alaska. Reached for comment, Sarah Palin's spokesperson said that the former governor is visiting family in Arizona and is "in no way taking part in a Memorial Day war against the United States." Press offices in Alaska also reported shocked surprise saying that they had not been advised of any military activity of any sort.

Still, according to the White House posted schedule, Kushner will be involved in "vital negotiations" until the "situation is completely resolved"--possibly taking "several years."

UPDATE:

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