Trump On Russian Collusion: It Was A Joke!


With a special counsel appointed to look into Trump-Russia, tapes of congressmen talking about Trump-payoffs from Putin surfacing, and Reuters reporting that Trump and Co. had attempted to establish a secret back-channel to the Kremlin, the Oval Office is under fire.

Today, early in the morning, it appeared that Republicans had settled on a single unified defense: "It was all a joke."

Speaking to FOX New's Carlson Tucker, Kellyanne Conway stated:

"The evidence that's going to be brought to light about Mr. Trump allegedly leaning on former Director Comey is just comedy-gone-wrong. The 'helpful-suggestion' that Comey see-his-way to clearing Flynn is the sort of thing Trump jokes about all the time. Like when we told people we couldn't figure out the lights in the situation room? Ridiculous!" She laughed nervously.

"The truth is the lugenpress will do anything to smear this president. When Trump talked about building a wall along the Mexican border?" She laughed--a quavery high-pitched sound, "That's thousands of miles--over chaotic terrain--much of which is owned by private citizens. How could anyone take that literally! It was a joke, guys--clearly."

"When Trump spoke of appointing a special prosecutor to lock up Hillary--and Flynn led the chants? Boy--irony is lost on you college-educated reporters! That was all in fun. We're not a 3rd-World banana republic. Come on!"

"Trump's statement that he'd provide cheaper health care for everyone? Look--I don't know about you--but anyone who knows anything about health care knows that'd be socialist-communist single-payer. We're not going to do that!" She shook her head. "You reporters take any joke and treat it like it's literal fact. You're like that big muscular guy from Guardians of the Galaxy. Humor is lost on you!" [ She referred to Dax the Destroyer ]

When asked about reports that Trump's team had coordinated voter-data from Cambridge Analytics to Russian hackers and cyber-war efforts in an attempt to influence targeted voters with fake-news, Kellyanne laughed--taking almost a minute to get under control.

"Tapes are going to come out," she said. "Transcripts. You'll see--and it's important--very, very important--to remember that none of these are serious. If they were that would be some kind of crime. Obstruction of Justice? Treason? I don't know--bad stuff--so it's very, very, very important that you remember that just like Speaker Ryan calling for Omerta about the Russian pay-offs to Trump--and just like how the president told Sessions to leave the room before japing with Comey, that you remember that it was all a joke. None of it was serious. Come on--who do you think we are?"

"I need a shower now," she said, moments later, when she believed her mic had been turned off.

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