Obama Accepts .400000 Dollars For Wall Street Toasted Nuts


Members of the left were stunned today when, visiting Wall Street, former president Obama accepted what appeared to be 40-cents in change when attempting to purchase a pack of Mr. Peanut's Toasted Nuts. Carlos Bodega. eye-witness, and Sanders voter said that president stopped by with his "Secret Service Entourage" and accepted what appeared to be a pay-off involving agricultural products.

Mr. Bodega, a low-level employee at the MART noted that "these Wall Street types come in here all during the day with their Moabido bluetooth headsets and their Dior Reveries phones talking million-dollar deals. They don't care about anyone, man. You can see it in their eyes. I never expected Obama to do that though. I always thought better of him. I guess now that he's out of the White House, he expects to cash. This is the mindset that elected Hillary--leading directly to Donald Trump," he explained.

Many on the left were disturbed by what they saw as the by-the-numbers Wall Street sell out, Congressional Democrats leaped to Mr. Obama's defense. "That forty-cents is his money," said Chuck Schumer (NY). "I don't see what the big deal is. Why are we even talking about it? This kind of nonsense divides the party and probably cost us the 2016 election. I'm sick of it."

Others, however, felt the symbolic gesture alone was sufficient to raise eyebrows. "The president promised to bring change to America," said Morris Bennington III, a former major voice in the #OccupyWallStreet movement. "Now he's taking change on Wall Street? This is exactly the kind of thing that has given young people the lack of confidence in Washington that gave us Trump in 2016. If Mr. Obama really did 'take the money' this makes him just another sell-out politician as far as I'm concerned."

For its part, the Bernie Sanders political action group Our Revolution found meaning in Mr. Obama's choice of purchase. "There is nothing more symbolically Capitalist than a peanut in a top-hat, a vest, and wearing a monocle selling other peanuts to be eaten than Mr. Peanut. We are disturbed and appalled that a leader such as Mr. Obama would patronize this symbol of consumption, wage slavery, and cannibalism. Unless the Democratic party wakes up to its symbolic weaknesses and engages in deep self-reflection, we will be looking at 8 years of Trump instead of 4."

When asked about it, Nate Silver, who according to Sanders voters completely miss-called the 2016 election, but really held that Trump had not just a vanishingly small chance but over 30% chance to win, rendered a confused "I don't get it. Is this a joke?" before hanging up.

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