Breitbart Reader Having Crisis of Faith Trying To Imagine Climate Change Conspiracy

Conservative Republican and loyal Breitbart reader Martin Mayhew found himself with a "crisis of faith" when, after reading stories about the so-called Climate-Hoax, he began wondering how such a world-spanning conspiracy could be coordinated.

Mayhew, a Project Organizer at Manning Dairy manages teams of up to fifty people and requires reporting to regulatory agencies, upper management, and shareholders.

"We can't get the message straight if there's any inconsistency," Mayhew said. "If the farm-reports and the plant reports don't square completely there's an error somewhere and they'll catch it. I just don't see how this thing is organized. It's got to be . . . " He shook his head. "It's amazing!"

Mayhew said he began by imagining climate scientists attending centralized secret conventions to agree on falsified data. "Obviously that didn't work," he said. "Climate conventions are attended by reporters. They're not closed. There's, like thousands of people."

"I read debunking that claims that the agreement numbers are fabricated--that the 97% claim was just made up--but then I read some more and found other people had come to the same conclusion. There actually is basic agreement on a lot of this stuff--so either it's real--or . . . man, they're good."

"I believe," Mayhew said, "that there is a massive left-wing government conspiracy to try to move us off fossil fuels in order to--you see--they believe the planet is in danger--but why would they think that if the government was TELLING them to lie--"

"Maybe it's all about control," Mayhew said. "If the government can shut down fossil fuel usage they can control the population? It's like the 2nd Amendment things--first you take the guns. Then you take the gas--then . . . "

He admitted he wasn't sure how this thing was supposed to work.

"What I don't understand is why people aren't coming out and talking about the coordination. I mean, as a project organizer I'd really like to know how this is done over 19 countries and, like, hundreds of people with different philosophies, languages, and so on. They don't make a ton of money. Is someone threatening to kill them off? I just don't see how you set that up."

He scratched his head.

"I'm starting to wonder about some things," he said. "But if Brietbart and Alex Jones are wrong--wouldn't that mean the liberals--" he trailed off. "No. No! I won't! I won't think that!"