North Korean Tensions Rise As White House Announces Battlestar Galactica Dispatched to Low Earth Orb
Sources at the White House announced today that Black-Space Naval Unit 'Battlestar Galactica' and the 501st and 181st fighter squadrons had been dispatched to North Korea ahead of announced weekly missile tests by the rogue state.
"Our forces under Captain J. Tiberious Kirk are currently moving into position above Pyongyang to monitor and control the situation there," announced Pentagon Spokesperson Cpt. Jeff Davis. "We will be taking whatever steps are necessary to secure the region."
The response from Pyongyang was immediate and aggressive.
"It's hard to know what the Americans are thinking," said a clearly angered North Korean envoy Jang Song-Taek. "Firstly, that is a drawing of the Pegasus, which even in the 2003 BSG cannon was destroyed in the battle of New Caprica. If the Americans are going to bluff again, they should realize Dear Leader Un can tell the difference between a Mercury-Class battlestar and the Galactica class."
"Even more concerning, though, are the livery patches for fictional TIE Fighter squadrons. Firstly, are we supposed to assume that rather than squadrons of Colonial Vipers, this fictional battlestar carries Star Wars imperial Twin Ion Engine fighters? And since the graphic artist who put the diagram together used English rather than Galactic Basic, are they assuming North Korea cannot read?"
"Worse than the fatter, heavier Mercury class carrier, is the use of the term 'Vader's Fist' for the so-described 501st. Does the Pentagon think Dark Lord Vader is strolling around the bridge of the Pegasus fighting Cylons? Or do they just think that we are really that stupid."
"I'm not even going to comment on the Kirk thing," said a disgusted Song-Taek. "That's just revolting. I will say that 'Tiberious' is not even cannon and if we are letting in the fucking Animated Series are we going to see Kizinti next??"
"Show of Force?" he finished, shaking his head, "More like Show-of-Farce, am I right?"
South Koreans were doubly upset with their country's leadership playing along with the American claims. Appearing with a "Deadly Hallows" icon and Elder Wand, South Korean acting president Hwang Kyo-ahn said that American forces had surrounded the so-called Hermit Empire and were preparing to take deliberate action if there were any acknowledged threat.
"My God," said South Korean reporter Choi Soon-sil, "Who put this mess together, even?"