Trump: New SecNav Must Declassify My Navy SEAL Service
Real Service Photo, Not Faked. "Somewhere In 'The Nam,' Super-Duper Classified"
The Trump administration has had difficulty filling its Defense Department positions but as conflict with North Korea becomes more likely, the administration has stepped up its attempts to fill the offices. People close to the process, however, have said there are some unique obstacles this administration has had over previous ones.
"We've got a pool of extremely qualified possibles," said a source inside the White House. "These guys will sail through Congress and hit the ground running--but there are some particular challenges that I don't think we've seen before."
When asked what those were, the answer was clearly uncomfortable.
"Donald tells us that his draft-deferments were a cover for classified activities taken on behalf of the United States government--that he served as a Navy SEAL, with distinction, and that he's instructing his Secretary of the Navy to 'declassify' his service records. If the guy won't say 'yes' to that, he's off the list," our source confirmed.
When queried about some potential issues with that story, such as numerous reports that placed Trump in the United States during his supposed deployments, the unlikelihood that Trump, even in his youth, would meet the rigorous physical requirements for the elite team, that as president, Trump could declassify anything he wants, and that the creation of the SEAL program in 1962 drew from existing, distinguished servicemen meaning that when Trump got his first deferment in 1964, he would, presumably, have already been in some kind of classified service for several years, our source shrugged.
"Look, he has a certificate. He's got a story. Is this any less believable than bringing coal back to the US? To building a thousand-mile long thirty-foot high wall through all kinds of private property? Look--go ask his supporters: If Trump says he was a SEAL, he was a SEAL."
Armed with the produced certificate:
We went to Haverford Michigan which voted 93% for Trump in the 2016 election to see what some of his supporters thought. This is some of what we heard:
Ann McCaffery, 43, Waitress: "Trump is a man who tells it like it is. If he says he was a Navy SEAL, he was. I mean, he would know--right? Liberals just hate that anyone could love their country that much."
Thomas Nichols, 58, Unemployed: "Trump served alright. I remember hearing about that. The Wharton Unit or some such. The press spreads lies about him being a coward but you look in those eyes and you know he was a killer. I believe him."
Tammy Lafont, 61, Homemaker: "The press lies about everything. There are all sorts of things the government does to protect us that can't be told. I expect Mr. Trump's records were one of those. After all, Obama sealed all his records. His college. His birth certificate. His medical records. Everything. Paid millions of dollars to keep it secret. Those records ought to come out!"
RealTrueNews concludes that our source was, in fact, correct: If Trump's Secretary of the Navy confirms that he was a SEAL, his base will believe it.