Furious Trump Demands INFOWars Investigation Into Wiretap(p)

Today, even as the nation learned that the FBI had been investigating ties between the Russians and the Trump campaign since last summer (good thing they told us about that, huh?) Trump learned that the FBI had refused to "back up" his claims of being Wiretapped by ex-President Barack Obama.

Sources in the White House said he immediately phoned Alex Jones of Info Wars and demanded a "Full investigation" into the wire-tapping claims.

Jones, in what has been described as a lightning-fast in-depth investigation involving Google Searches, calls to Fox News, and interviews with people who claim to have worked for actual intelligence agencies, returned with a clearer picture of what had actually transpired.

"The FBI is okay--for what they are--" said a source working with Jones, "but they really don't get this 'conspiracy' stuff. Any time you have a complicated motive and operation, a false flag, or media manipulation, they just fall right apart. It takes someone with real chops to get in there and get the story."

According to Jones, this is what the story looks like:

"We think it starts with Obama--involves the CIA, the NSA as a back-stop, spills over to GCHQ--but then leaks to Larry Johnson who informs the judge. They try to use WikiLeaks, of course, but The Intercept is on to them. Now--Russia, you see, had nothing to do with any of this--but they had to hack Podesta to make it look like it was Russia. So then BAM, Hillary has her plan: just say it was all Russia All The Time!"

"And they would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for Fox News and Larry Johnson. Bless 'em."

When asked why in the world the NSA if they wanted Hillary to win the election, even if they did hack John Podesta's emails using CIA tools to make it look like the Russians were behind it, would have then released the damaging DNC material? the source paused, examining the map of connections and events.

"Well, shit," he finally said.