OMG! Trump Ends Daylight Savings Time! DEM PANIC
Sources from Mar-a-Lago are reporting that today an exhausted president Trump signed an "Emergency Executive Order" to end Daylight Savings Time. "DST, whose hour-adjustment results in lost sleep, productivity, and even lives every year has come come to an end," said a red-eyed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who seemed as surprised as everyone else.
"This is an example of the out-of-the-box leadership we've come to appreciate from Mr. Trump."
Even Democrats, while highly concerned about this show of leadership, were forced to applaud the move. "It's audacious," said a senior Democrat speaking on condition of anonymity. "We're still trying to get our heads around it." Others echoed the sentiment: If Trump can build on this sudden winning streak, he could be a lock for 2020.
Sources inside Mar-a-Lago, however, told a slightly different story.
"His ass might not even remember he did this," said a staff person speaking confidentially. "He was really tired. I mean, he was up all night trying to get around the filters Baron [Trump] put in place to try and control his Twitter account. He was swearing up a storm at like 3:30 AM so I don't know. I think this was maybe just reflexive? Still? An extra hour of sleep! If he can keep that up, he's got my vote."
Is this the long-awaited pivot? Or is this just another random event? Only time will tell--but staff of RealTrueNews will be there to tell you--in an hour. We're going back to bed.