White House In Mad Search To Discover Source of Leak for 'Press Conference'
Taking what many in the administration view as a necessary step to get White House messaging under control, the president's Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, held meeting today with "select members" of the media. Banned from this press conference were CNN, Buzzfeed, the New York Times, the BBC, and other outlets which had been critical of the administration.
Just hours later, sources close to the Oval Office told us that the White House communications team had suffered a "catastrophic leak" where information from the conference had somehow "been exposed."
"When talking to select elements of the media," our source said, on condition of anonymity, "the understanding was that the discussions would be discrete--that the reporting would be controlled and responsible. That didn't happen. In an unanticipated turn of events, people talked."
According to sources, the media that was allowed unexpectedly published on cable, Internet, and print the substance of the discussion and Q&A, "almost like they were actual media outlets." The White House press office described this as a "shocking betrayal" given the nature of the attendees and their expected capability to publish news.
Sources who attended indicated that the meeting was almost all "Skype Seats" wherein the 'reporters' were teleconferencing in from their homes or offices. In attendance was, according to attendees, Alex Jones (InfoWars), a man announcing himself as "Lenny" who had thought he was on Chat Roulette, The Gamer-Gate Conspiracy Intelligence Forum, and someone calling themselves "Media-Face."
"We think it was 'Media-Face' who actually published the Q&A," our source said. "Someone has got to vet these people better--while Media-Face described himself (?) as a 'reporter' it was shocking to see them actually report given this venue. We're still trying to understand what went wrong."
Spicer may have reason to be concerned. Various outlets in attendance described Spicer asking the various "investigative reporters" assembled to look into deep-background on FBI Director James Comey with an eye towards finding "Dirt" that could be used to get him to knock-down allegations of Russian interference.
Spicer allegedly promised to reveal "The UFO files from Project Blue-Book" and the "18 Minute Nixon Tapes" in the restricted, underground "Presidential Secret Library." He also described a "home movie" featuring president JFK and Marilyn Monroe that "was so hot they need to measure it in Kelvin."
While Spicer was reluctant to take questions, he did respond to inquiries about an unusual object on the lectern, saying only "You don't want to know, guys--there are some things man was not meant to know--" before swiftly removing it.
RealTrueNews has analyzed the boot-legged footage and determined the object to be some kind of highly unusual sex toy.