RealTrueNews Interviews Kellyanne Conway

Kellyanne Conway and Stephen Bannon In Their Preferred Period Costumes

After a period of silence from White House spox Kellyanne Conway, RealTrueNews caught up with her and Stephen Bannon for a rare interview.

RealTrueNews: Hello Kellyanne--it's great to be able to talk to you. Can you give us your impressions of Trump's first month or so in the Oval Office?

Kellyanne Conway: Hi, this is for Nightline, isn't it?

RTN: Absolutely.

KC: Great. Well, Mr. Trump has done so much--much more in his first month than Barack Hussein Obama achieved in eight dismal years. It's been a whirlwind of winning! American confidence is being restored and our stature is growing again in the world!

RTN: Could you give our readers some specifics?

KC: Readers?

RTN: Viewers. For Nightline. Our one-point-six million viewers.

KC: One-point-forty-three with 0.43/3 in the 19-29, I think you mean.

RTN: They call you Kellyanne Polls for a reason!

KC: They do. Well, let's see--the Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad has called for cooperation with the United States. Vladimir Putin says he is ready to restore positive relations, Canada and Mexico agreed to renegotiate or scrap job-killing NAFTA, the TPP is dead, and the Dow Jones is at an all-time high! These are things Obama could never have accomplished, or wanted to!

RTN: Robert Mugabe has also voiced support of Trump, yes?

KC: That's right! Leaders from all over the world are saying they support and believe in Mr. Trump.

RTN: What do you say to people who think Assad, Mugabe, and Putin are murderous dictators--that Canada and Mexico are actually upset with Mr. Trump, rather than respecting him, and that the Dow Jones increases mostly happened under Obama?

KC: [ smiles brilliantly ] Fake news! You know what I think is murderous? The mainstream press and lying TV shows like Nightline. For example, have you ever seen Mr. Putin kill anyone? Has he been tried in a court of law? I don't think so! And it's a well known fact that Canadian President Justin Trudeau has had numerous reporters executed for violating Canadian press-restriction laws. You can google it!

Mr. Trump has also exceeded Hussein Obama in job creation! With the Carrier Deal and Wallmart bringing jobs back, Trump has already lowered the unemployment rate to below 5%! You won't hear the Mainstream Media talking about that!

RTN: I--wait--Trudeau?? I don't--Wasn't . . . wasn't unemployment under 5% when Trump took office? What about allegations that with all the travel-bans and controversy tourism is down over-all around 6%? Doesn't that negatively impact American jobs that depend on foreign tourism?

KC: Fake news! You know they manipulate those unemployment numbers! Also: foreign tourism is the number-one source of illegal refugees and terrorists! The Berkeley Terrorists were mostly foreign tourists coming into America to intentionally spread Measles and Small Pox!

RTN: Is that a thing?

KC: It is now! [ smiles brilliantly ]

RTN: Speaking of manipulating numbers, what do you say to critics of the president who say he's manipulating numbers for the Obamacare repeal and subjecting EPA Climate Science to political review?

KC: You know what's political and manipulative? The mainstream press which has a definite agenda to fight Mr. Trump with their so-called reporting. Climate change is very contentious--Americans simply do not agree so Mr. Trump will be the tie-breaker and no one by a bunch of stuffy liberal economists care about Obamacare numbers.

But you know what Trump is doing? To create jobs he's going to get rid of overbearing regulations that cost companies money. It's also a fact that the Environmental Protection Agency has been caught sawing off ice-shelves from the arctic in order to simulate global warming. There are pictures!

We also know for a fact that people who believe they are covered for medical insurance under Obamacare are actually having their money channeled directly into the Clinton Foundation. This has been widely exposed--but you guys in the Mainstream Media simply won't report it!

RTN: I see. Do you think people find you and Mr. Trump a trustworthy source of information? Despite having been at odds with the facts on . . . several issues?

KC: The people who matter find us trustworthy. They put their faith in Mr. Trump and feel happy about the direction of the country. The people who don't get caught up in the so-called facts and don't know what to believe.

For example, under Obama, the solar-system lost a planet. Under Trump? We've discovered seven new ones yesterday!

RTN: Didn't Pluto get, uh, demoted, in 2006?

KC: Oh yes. Under the Obama administration. Leave to to Hussein to lose a planet.

RTN: I . . . guess . . . that's . . . uh. Can you tell us why Mr. Bannon is dressed as--well, he looks like a Nazi?

KC: He's dressed as a patriotic member of the Alt-Right. You've just been told he's a Nazi by the left-wing media which will say anything to smear an American hero.

RTN: That's--great. Thank you.

KC: Thank you! See you in the media internment camps!

RTN: What??

KC: Oops.