CPAC Mistakenly Books Jared Leto as Keynote Speaker
Matt Schlapp raised eyebrows yesterday when it was announced that the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) would keynote actor Jared Leto in his Suicide Squad role as "The Joker." The confusion arose when it was discovered that Schalpp, who had not seen the movie, believed that "The Joker" was, in fact, a real person who "greatly upset liberals."
Sources close to Schlapp indicate that attempting to follow up Milo Yiannopoulos, who reveled on video to be a proponent of homosexual pedophilia, shocking and disgusting mainstream conservatives, Schlapp was looking for someone who was "even more triggering."
Having booked Yiannopoulos without consent of the CPAC board, he went further, demanding his aides "Get him The Joker."
With Heath Ledger deceased, Mr. Schlapp's aides contacted Mr. Leto's agent and arranged a booking for Saturday night's keynote. While the content was not discussed, Schlapp indicated on an interview that he believed that "Mr. Joker" was responsible for the "High murder rate in [ Chicago ]" which would "reflect badly on ex-president Barack Hussein Obama," thus thrilling his audience.
The tweet indicating that a fictional mass murderer and alleged super villain had been booked was quickly deleted once the mistake was discovered but it is unclear as to whether Mr. Leto will still be speaking. Sources indicate that Mr. Schlapp, while embarrassed, has continued to look for other figures that he feels will fit Conservative Values in the era of President Trump.
"We think he's trying to get, maybe, a Satanist? But he feels that liberals might like that. Also, the actual Satanists are turning out to be disappointing with an emphasis on freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and lack of interference by the federal government. He's looking into ISIS who, with their hard-line fundamentalism and enthusiasm for burning homosexuals will help to bring in more traditional movement conservatives."
Schlapp refused questions only to issue a statement: "Just as Milo, though his approval for underage sex may be troubling, has an important voice in fighting Political Correctness on college campuses, so does Mr. Joker provide a view into what society would be like if 'The Liberals' were in charge. Yes, I understand he is an advocate of chaos and murder--but we feel that the Big Tent of Conservative Values that Mr. Trump has brought to the country can be flexible enough to share all voices."
When jokingly asked if he would book "Captain America," he informed the reporter that to his understanding that guy was an intolerant liberal with a particular violent advocacy streak towards the Alt-Right. "He doesn't represent our core values and, just as we refused the Log Cabin Republicans, we would not invite him."