Dir. Comey: "They're Gettin' Closer To Me--An That CAN'T Happen."

Regulars at the DC After-Hours Poker game reported that James "Big Jim" Comey (Dir. Federal Bureau of Investigation) expressed concern that "they" were closing in. Sources familiar with the conversation recounted:

"Can't trust Flynn," Comey allegedly said, "Rat's gonna turn states. Trust me: he's a squealer. They get Flynn, they get Manny [ Paul Manafort ], they get closer to me. That can't happen. Raise."

Comey tossed two-grand worth of chips into the pot.

"Someone--one 'o youse, is gonna have to step up," Comey continued. "I need him shut up. Start with the Flynn boy--but don't count on him. Kid's a waste of skin. No, this might have to be permanent. I got Congressional heat poking around. [Senator] Chaffetz is a good man. Loyal--but he's got paid protesters all up in his grill. He's loyal," Comey said, tapping his temple, "But he ain't strong. RAISE."

He tossed another five-grand into the pot and moved his cards slightly.

"He'll cave. I can see it commin'. The Don [president Trump] isn't gonna let this go quiet so we've got to get out in front of this thing. That means no independent investigator. No more loose ends. I need the leaks plugged."

He looked around the table. "Plugged. You get me? I think everyone here get's me," he added menacingly. "If these rat-finks are Pompeo's boys [Mike Pompeo, Dir. CIA]," he continued, "then it's gonna be war. Nobody wants that," he reflected, philosophically, taking a drink. "Nobody."

"This town," Comey said, "it ain't got no loyalty. You'd think Don [President Donald Trump] would have some . . . some, regard. I did his letter. Sank that bitch. Stuck my neck out--and what do I get? I get a bunch of rats feeding on the dead carcass of the American Dream and I'm supposed to take the fall? Fuck that. Fuck that right in the cake-hole."

He then stood, hands on hips, jacket pushed back revealing a chrome plated Glock .40. "If I go down," he said, eyeing the other regulars. "I assure you I am not going quietly into that good night all by myself. You get me? You all better fucking get me because I am serious as a heart-attack. That giant sucking sound you all hear will be a funnel of shit going STRAIGHT to Moscow and you all fucking know it."

Nobody met his eyes.

"Do whatever it takes. Wives. Girlfriends. Kids. Pay-outs. Knock-offs. I don't care. This is blood."

In other news, Jason Chaffetz, Republican Chairman of the House Oversight Committee announced he was opening a new investigation--into the close aide of Hillary Clinton, Bryan Pagliano, who set up and ran her private email server.

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