White House Frantically Removes DHS Slogan From Offices

Last night sources in the White House revealed that by order of the president, all DHS material bearing the anti-Terror slogan "If You See Something, Say Something" were quickly removed from the West Wing. The slogan, credited by senior staff members with inciting numerous damaging leaks was removed from offices, hallways, and plaques.

Said a senior official on background: "People were seeing things and, it appears, saying things. Lots of things. Bad things. We haven't been able to stop it and it's driving the president crazy. We need to go back to "Loose Lips Sink Ships" or maybe "Shut Up For The Good Of The Country?" Something like that.

According to other insiders we spoke with, things that had been 'seen' were:

  • President Trump forcing staff members to 'agree' he was more handsome than Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau.

  • Mr. Trump critiquing female staff members on their dress choices and asking them to 'twirl' before being seen in a public function.

  • The entire senior staff trying to locate North Korea on a map.

  • A miss-directed call from the Oval Office going to ESPN instead of Estonia and classified information about Russian Troop movements being discussed before the confusion was cleared up.

  • Stephen Miller trying to get a 'poisoned needle' to use on Chief of Staff Reince Priebus.

  • Stephen Bannon 'masturbating furiously' to 'Nazi Porn.'

The Department of Homeland Security's slogan has come under fire as Trump attempts to convince a nervous Republican party that despite "constant contact" with the Russians throughout his campaign and what has been described widely as a "Man-Crush" on Vladimir Putin, he is in no way compromised--and certainly not by high-definition 1080p digital film of urinating Russian prostitutes.

The staff members we spoke with felt certain that removing the incitement to leak would right the ship and put the White House back on course to do great things for white people in America.

NOTE: A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security noted that the slogan was mainly meant for Transportation safety and questioned what the signs were doing 'plastered all over the White House to begin with.'