Cryptic Russian Message: Will Trade Assange, 'Snowden' For Flynn
Sources inside the White House have informed us, off the record, that the Trump Administration has received a cryptic message from Moscow. The message, sent via the technique of steganography in a Tweet directed to the POTUS account, was an image and message offering to "trade" Wikileaks founder Julian Assange and Edward Snowden for General Michael Flynn.
Flynn, who had recently resigned due to questions about conversations with Russia concerning the Trump administration lifting sanctions imposed by Obama due to election-interference, was described as "agent 3" leading some inside the administration to speculate as to who Agent's 1 and 2, if they exist might be.
Even more confusing was the use of actor Daniel Radcliffe's face instead of Edward Snowden's. Our source, however, indicated that this was not unusual in intelligence circles as no picture of Edward Snowden appears that shows his entire head.
[ Ed-- It's True, We Checked ]
"It's true," our source said, "for whatever reason? Branding? Making him look like a loveable scamp? Who knows--his head is almost always cut off. If you're trying to create a ransom note or a decent intel-briefing PowerPoint and you want symmetry you've gotta go to Harry Potter. They look almost alike anyway."
Intelligence officials confirmed the authenticity of the Moscow communication saying it was a long-time access point for president Trump to talk directly to the Kremlin in what POTUS believed was an 'off-the-record' channel.
"They're in contact a lot," our source said. "Usually it's just Donald's fan-mail to Putin--talking about his exercise routine [ Trump has told his Nutritionist he wants to 'look like Putin' when his shirt comes off ] and questions about geography--but once in a while . . . " Our source trailed off.
When pressed: "Once in a while it's complaining about Melania. There's something going on with him and Putin. I don't know," our source said, somewhat disturbed. "Anyway, we think this is a legitimate offer--although Flynn has not been arrested or even charged with espionage--maybe they jumped the gun? Maybe they know something we don't? We understand that Vladimir has gotten 'really annoyed' with Snowden and might be ready to kick him out for just about anything."
When asked if the administration thought that the Russian connection could spell legal trouble for the White House, he scoffed. "We're in power," he said. "There won't be an investigation. Our voter coalition doesn't understand National Security--they just really hated Hillary."
He then texted to POTUS that he thought it would be reasonable to hand-over Flynn if Putin threw in a significant land-development deal along the prime Baltic vacation spots.