High Speed Film Captures Trump "Slipping Prime Minster Abe A 'Benjamin'"


High speed film has captured what may have been the purpose behind a grueling, cringe-inducing 19-second long 'handshake' between president Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minster Shinzō Abe. Sleight of hand experts identified what magicians describe as a "pass" wherein Donald Trump forces a folded 100-dollar bill into the hand of an unwilling Mr. Abe.

Although the specifics of the "gift" were uncertain, experts believe that the folded bill could have been Mr. Trump's attempt to convince Mr. Abe to declare Trump the winner in their rounds of golf or, possibly, a "deal sweetener" for some kind of planned APAC trade deal that the White House would be proposing later in the year.

The meeting between the two heads of state was already fraught with controversy when FLOTUS Melania Trump ditched the wife of Prime Minister Abe, leaving Akie Abe to tour Washington alone to her great relief. It was further complicated when, allegedly, in the president's retreat at Mar-a-lago, Trump tried to encourage Mr. Abe to invest in several Trump-branded properties or, possibly, purchase a Super-Platinum-Head-Of-State V-VIP membership at Mar-a-Lago for 2.3bn.

Insiders also said that Trump told Mr. Abe that he "didn't think anyone really understood that 'strong-dollar-weak-dollar shit'" and that president Trump was somewhat unclear on whether or not the Yen was just the name for 'dollar' in Japanese or was "some kind of other thing entirely."

For his part, Mr. Abe announced that he looks forward to a close relationship between the US and Japan and believes that Mr. Trump will prove a strong leader of the United States. He then added in his native Japanese that "this idiot has no idea what he is doing" and "Japan must seriously revise down their opinion of the American electorate."

Later in the day, Mr. Trump retreated from his tough Chinese rhetoric when confronted with an actual phone call from president Xi Jinping.

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