Rattled By Mockery, White House Staff Creates 'Virtual Safe-Space' for President Trump
Sources inside the White House have told us that the Trump administration, rattled by constant criticism and mockery by the media and Hollywood have commissioned the use of Virtual Reality technology to create a computer-generated "Safe Space" for president Trump.
Our highly placed source told us:
Following that Saturday Night Live skit where [Press Secretary] Sean Spicer was played by a woman, Trump demanded [Spicer] drop his pants so he could ensure that the guy had the right equipment. It was awful. We're hoping he doesn't think of doing that with Conway--it'd be a disaster.
We can't get him off the TV. He's constantly on Twitter. The Secret Service tried to take his phone and they wound up rolling on the floor. Things have gotten bad. So we went to DARPA and asked for some help.
This "help" came in the form of a virtual-reality headset and a pair of noise-canceling head-phones that, when connected to a powerful computer system generate a virtual America where President Trump is loved, trusted, and respected. The staff told us that they had no difficulty getting Mr. Trump to wear the head-set 24/7 as he really took to it.
Below shows the difference in feedback to Trump before and after the Virtual Reality was applied:
Our source explained:
Look, Trump says the media is covering up all these terror attacks because he read it on InfoWars or some shit--so a White House intern gets the job of making a list. Now, this is an impossible task but president Trump drops it on us at like 6:30 PM and demands it has to go out before 7 o'clock so it can make the news.
He thinks it's going to be easy--but the girl, she misspells San Bernardino, so of course it doesn't show up. The word 'Attacker' is misspelled all over the place. It's a disaster. We see it coming so instead of showing him the real responses, we get to the VR controls and BINGO! He's a hero!
The technology, however, has a had a few glitches. When trying to re-write Chryons on CNN, the system has accessed the President's pornography library attempting to find positive emotional correlations.