Bannon Announces SCOTUS Option "B"
Facing the prospect of either having SCOTUS Nominee Neil Gorsuch filibustered--or procedurally removing the filibuster--the Trump administration under acting president Stephen Bannon has announced a second potential nominee should Gorsuch fail.
"Foxler Nightfire, leader of the alt-furry community who dresses up as a humanoid Nazi-fox, will be a strong voice on the court for states rights, a strong, whiter America, and, well, we checked the rules. There's nothing that says a fascist in a fur-suit can't be a Supreme Court judge."
Conservative pundits, while privately shocked, were quick to praise the decision in the event that Gorsuch was not confirmed.
Erick Erickson, a prominent conservative and former critic of Donald Trump, noted "While Gorsuch was definitely my first choice for the seat, I think we have to recognize that the court has become unreliable from a Christian perspective. While Foxler is unconventional, no real conservative could argue that he doesn't bring necessary change and balance to the court."
Evangelical leaders were thrilled with the choice saying "While there is some discussion that Foxler is a sexual deviant, a homosexual, and possibly, a Nazi, we have assurances from the top that his rulings will be strongly pro-life, anti-gay-agenda, and well, we're told Bannon will 'keep him on a leash.'"
Other observers, however, were baffled. Noah Rothman, conservative writer for Commentary Magazine said "This potential appointment is a clear continuation of Obama's practice of being weak on antisemitism and pro-Nazi."
When asked what he meant by that, Rothman elaborated: "All the alt-right, Nazi symbolism that has haunted the Trump campaign can be traced back to the Obama administration. You see, that's the first principle of explaining Trump. If the Republicans actually had pro-Nazi racist sentiments deeply embedded then it would mean my life was a lie and my allegiances--as a Jewish American--were colored by my partisan leanings. As we know that axiomatically to be false, the only other possibility is that Obama is somehow to blame. We're looking into it."
Foxler, himself, was excited at the possibility of being nominated to the court. "I'd be a post-Ironic justice," he told RealTrueNews. "I mean, I'd issue rulings for gas-chambers for das Juden because everyone would know that was just funny. Also: I think Roberts is secretly a fur. We've heard rumors, you know. I bet he yiffs."