Australian Prime Minster Accidentally Reaches Baron Trump, Revamps Cyber Security Program


We have learned that foreign Malcolm Turnbull, the Australian Prime Minister, upon attempting to reach President Elect Trump, instead was accidentally transferred to Trump's 10 year old son, Baron Trump. The ensuing conversation led to a complete revamping of country's cyber-war and cyber-security policy.

Said Turnbull in a press statement: "While the White House transition team has been difficult to reach, we were able to contact the junior Trump where he has set up a cyber defense station at 33 Thompson Street in New York City. The accidental conversation led to discussions about his plans for the TITANPOINTE surveillance station and its partnership with LITHIUM which we know as AT&T.

The 10 year old Baron apparently instructed the prime minster on setting up a series of virtual machines to run the country's electrical grid so that in the event of cyber attacks designed to damage infrastructure or cause black-outs the system could be purged and restarted in a hardened configuration.

"He was really up-to-date on the cyber-threats that are associated with infrastructure attacks," said Turnbull. "He was conversant on a variety of IOT threats, the use of sophisticated strategic Spear Phishing maneuvers against key National Security personnel so as to use multiple "false personalities" representing them to cause further chaos during an emergency, and threats using secondary communication channels to hijack or soft-kill civilian aircraft.

We've had to literally re-think everything we were doing. It was an astonishing conversation."

He also mentioned that he had, as requested, instructed all his diplomats to stay exclusively on Trump properties and purchase Ivanka-branded jewelry for celebratory occasions. He also requested that the incoming Trump administration issue some kind of guidance to APAC (Asia-Pacific) NATO allies so as to forestall panic at up coming Chinese naval maneuvers.

"It would be nice if we could get Mr. Trump on the phone," said a clearly nervous Mr. Trumbull. "Please, let us know anything--even a short conversation or--or a post card--anything would be helpful. He told the press he and his diplomats had been constantly routed to the Trump-Tower restaurant where he and the Australian government had already ordered 63,000 catered Taco Bowls in the hopes of finally getting a message through to the soon to be president Mr. Trump.

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