Vox dot com -- A Horrific Liberal Joke on America

If you've been active on the Internet for the past few years, you may have been puzzled by running across a Vox.com "Explainer." Vox is the new-media brain child of ultra-left anarchists Ezra Klein and Matt Yglesias. We've seen their prolific output engaged in any number of things from science to history--but especially--especially--politics. The information was often so wrong, so confusing, and so implausible, we were unable to determine if it was simply incredibly bad reporting or . . . something darker.

After poking around, we managed to get our hands on an ex-Voxxer who was able to give us a look under the covers at Vox dot com. Hang on to your hats: it's worse than you could possibly have imagined.


RealTrueNews: Can you tell us how you came to Vox?

Anti-Voxxer: Media and reporting is dying bad in this country. I had a degree and I was doing Starbucks--but I heard about Vox. I mean, I'd seen the articles. I didn't know if they were like a humor-mag or what--but I looked on GlassDoor and everyone said great things. I didn't know all those posts were faked at the time. I signed up. They grilled me--and then let me in.

RTN: What did you think when you got there?

AVX: Big. Fucking. Mistake. Put those periods in. It was--it was literally like a nightmare. The offices are something else--but--hey, this is totally anonymous? Right? I mean, you won't give the article my gender or anything, right?

RTN: Right. Don't worry, we've handled worse.

AVX: I . . . doubt that.

RTN: What happened?

AVX: Well, so first things first--the "offices" are like a show-room or something. There are people there--but they're actors. They have casting calls for 'attractive hipsters' or 'vegan girl' or something. And they bring them in and screen them--and then they position them around and do photo shoots and stuff. Have them make-work.

The real writers, whoever they are, are mostly remote. But a few of us had to be on-site. I think we were their playthings or something.

RTN: Whose? Whose 'playthings'?

AVX: Matt and Ezra. They're like the two horsemen of the apocalypse. Everyone is afraid of them. They're psychotic. They kept--

RTN: What?

AVX: They kept this live giant carnivorous centipede in the office and if you didn't get your hit-counts you had to ... you had to stick your hand in the tank and pet it. If the hits weren't up for the whole floor . . . they'd turn it loose. It was horrible.

RTN: A centipede?

AVX: I think so. Man, it was terrifying. They had restraint beds. They had electroshock stuff. We were always under surveillance. I think someone started following me. It was creepy. I moved away. No forwarding address. My old friends said people kept coming around, asking about me. All these young, attractive 20-somethings. Guys I'd never heard of. It was super-creepy.

RTN: Can you tell us about the articles?

AVX: Yeah. You know how they say that [ A religious group whom legal advises us NOT to name ] was started as a bet by [ Rhymes with EL Von Cupboard ] that he could make up any ridiculous religious thing and make people believe it? Well, we got this orientation. One of their glass walled rooms with this really weird osculating high-pitched whine noise, it made you sick. And then on the screen they'd flash all this crap really fast. Symbols. Snakes. Accident victims, I think. Porn--some really, really dark stuff--and then Ezra comes in.

And he tells us--and at this point everyone is like dazed and shit--he tells us that Vox is a joke--that liberals will believe anything so they're preying on that. They're going to make up the craziest shit imaginable and publish it and so long as it has all these liberal key-words in it, they'll believe it.

And they say it doesn't matter how absurd it is--the more absurd the better--because it works on their audience better if its less realistic.

At that point a few people threw up--they literally had garbage cans next to each chair. So we got our orders.

RTN: What kinds of orders?

AVX: To write about shit like--explaining obscure Olympic sports and they'd just give us some ridiculous bullet points and we'd have like 40 minutes to make up an article. We had to write about how an all-liberal Supreme Court would "save America." Matt would walk around with this baseball bat with, like dried blood on it, and go "FEED THE BEAST, BOYS AND GIRLS! FEED THE BEAST OR GET FED TO IT!"

RTN: The beast was . . . what? The Centipede?

AVX: I think he meant what they called the Liberal Noosphere for Newz--spelled with a 'z' for some reason, I guess because it was faked.

RTN: So the whole thing is this demented sham?

AVX: Oh yeah. And it's scary. Look, I'd stay away from those guys if I were you. Psychotic doesn't begin to cover it. And they're scary smart. In fact, I've said--I've said way too much. Please don't let them know how you found me.

RTN: We'll never tell.