Obama, Cornered By Rhetoric, Moves to Ban Trucks

Our sources inside the White House tell us that president Barack Hussein Obama has called for a draft Executive Order to ban trucks across America due to their capability of use as a terror weapon. Our contact noted that Obama, having decried the means of killing, rather than the intent to kill, is now forced to take this action by the attacks in France.

"If he wants to ban guns--and oh, he does," said our source, "he knows he has to ban trucks now in order to have some semblance of consistency. Trucks are very dangerous--if large crowds are densely packed in an outdoor place where a high velocity vehicle could approach, scores could be injured or killed. While expensive--and requiring a driver's license and insurance to operate legally--they are readily available to any would-be terrorist."

When we asked about Hussein Obama's stance on knives given some of the recent European stabbing attacks, our source rolled his eyes. "That was a disaster. He moved quickly to try to ban them only to find that knives--especially fighting knives--are already banned in just about every state and that all fifty states--or fifty seven, whatever--have all kinds of legal restrictions on them. It was embarrassing."

Asked if a truck ban might move terrorists towards legally available firearms, our source pointed out "Vehicular homicide already accounts for about 300 deaths per year while it's 11 thousand for guns. We think that as truck-ramming is far, far more effective than long arms with high capacity magazines and, potentially, pistol grips and folding stocks for improved control, terrorists looking for ways to kill people will gravitate towards outdoor crowds in large celebrations rather than trying to use firearms that could be operated in doors, used to take hostages, snipe, or provide for the use of choke points and fire and movement."

"Really," our source said, "it's a no-brainer: we think militaries the world over will be converting to truck-ramming as a far more efficient way of inflicting casualties."