Obama Executive Order: #10348 Enslaving White People

What you see above is the first three victims of Barack Hussein Obama's 925th Executive Order: if your ancestry can be traced to that of a slave-holder, you are forced to pay either 1.38 million dollars in "reparations" or be subjected to slavery yourself. The president has authorized ICE to arrest, shackle, and display Caucasian subjects in the proscribed "atonement garb" pictured. Issued from the Oval Office and effectively ratified by a craven congress and a deadlocked Supreme Court, the order had African Americans quickly searching genealogy records and historical documents to see if they could find evidence that a co-worker, neighbor, or even friend had lineage back to slave times.

DeShawn Washington a clerical worker at a grocery store told us: "Genealogy.com has become like a gold mine to us! My supervisor at the Safeway let slip his social and I looked him up. His great uncle was some kind of handy-man on a plantation in Georgia. I turned him in--now he's goin' up to auction."

While some 'civil libertarians' were horrified, the vast majority have been silent.

Katie Holt of the Westin Woman's College's sociology department explained: "Today we're very aware of the damage that slavery, white privilege, and majority micro-aggressions have caused. To speak against an executive order from a black president, even one like this, would be seen, correctly, as racist. White males have had it so good for so long that I think some pay-back is due."

While several conservative activist groups are hoping to challenge the ruling, legal experts said they would have to wait for "A Supreme Court that recognizes the Constitution and the Rule of Law. Given that Hillary is projected to win the general election and appoint young, highly liberal judges, that could be three or four decades out."

When asked about this post-constitutional, rule-by executive order society, Dr. Holt told us: "If you think it's unfair, I have to ask what your gender-bias and societal capital level is. I'd guess you are all cis-genered hetro-norm, neurotypical white-males who are willfully blind to your privilege. Having a powerful African American in the White House probably does seem unfair to you."

She finished: "It's my hope that when Hillary is elected we'll see something similar for women!"