Our sources inside the Air-force report that at 10:30 PM Central Time yesterday an unmanned, remotely piloted aircraft, a drone, entered US air space, crossing the border from Mexico to Texas. The drone, a modified Predator, is outfitted with a state of the art solar-array on its wings and is capable of almost unlimited flight time.
Our sources report that it was armed with a set of Mexican-knock-offs of Hellfire missiles armed with 20lb high-explosive penetrator warheads. The Mexi-Drone, our sources report has a highly limited radar signature due to the use of Cartel stealth technology and Centcom has lost tracking.
Telemetry from the drone was highly encoded, however data received suggest that it is looking for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump.
"It has stolen Facebook facial recognition, hooks into NSA satellites, and has a targeting system designed to lock onto Twitter's location-based notification. If its target tweets anything, it could be over for them."
When asked how the Mexicans had acquired such a high-tech weapons system with such advanced computer intrusion, our source shrugged. "The usual--someone in Washington decides they want to make a move so they leak data and sell off secret research. Maybe just send an email with the plans in it? Something like that and then it's all over everywhere."
He paused to consider: "A donation to the Clinton Foundation would do it too, really. Wouldn't even cost all that much."
The Secret Service will not reveal its methods but claims Trump is in no danger. The home office in Washington DC reported that "The situation will be dealt with by our professional, capable agents."
Attempts, however, to interview the actual agents on the Trump Security Detail were unsuccessful. His private, mercenary security were unable to locate them.
"Sid went to the bathroom around the time the call came in," said Jackson Cole, the leader of Trump's private security detail. "Come to think of it, that was about three hours ago."
"And the armored limo is gone," Noted Fredricks Walburton, one of Trump's security contractors. "They said they were taking it to get it washed--which I thought was strange--but they've been gone a long time."
The final Secret Service agent, Bradford Bouiller had, apparently "Gone to the store for cigarettes." But had not yet returned.
"I'm sure he'll be back," said Cole. "I mean--of course they will. Right?"