If you were wondering why Hillary isn't doing any press conferences, don't wonder any long. Our un-retouched (unlike what you'll see in the newspaper or on TV) high-def pictures show conclusive evidence that Hillary has late-stage brain-cancer. We've known she was sick for years--but several oncologists we spoke to gave her no more than 3 or 4 months to live.
"I imagine they're just hoping she makes it through the election." said Dr. Jaishri Blakeley, of the Johns Hopkins oncology center. "She could be having hallucinations, fainting spells, loss of coordination. It's amazing she could give a speech, much less run an entire campaign."
Our insiders confirmed that the Democrat candidate had been behaving oddly and that a 'whole army of makeup artists' had been deployed to 'keep her face looking normal--as normal as it can.'
When asked about the impact on the November election, senior Republican Strategist Steve Schmidt told us:
"Right now the Democrats have pinned all their hopes and their entire organization on one candidate. If you look at how this whole thing plays out, the plan-B of Joe Biden/Elizabeth Warren at the convention would rip their coalition apart."
"Of course lunatic Bernie Sanders would be even worse. He'd have the base but the country would never vote for a communist."
"Given our polling situation, though, with Utah threatening to turn blue and Arizona potentially slipping for the first time in a generation, we have to hope these rumors are true. If not, we're in a lot of trouble."
When confronted with the fact that the polling we see today is a manipulative lie created by the media in order to promote their preferred candidate (even if they have to string her body up with wires and use a speaker at the debates), Schmidt responded:
"Who are you with again? Are you actually a news outlet?"
There's exhibit-A why Donald Trump doesn't need or want any of these idiot, small minded money-leaches that have infested the Republican party! See you at the nomination!!