Traitor!! Reince Pribus To Trade Presidency For Senate
Desperate to keep their jobs, the GOP Establishment has hatched a plan to maintain control of Congress (the Senate and the House) while promising Democrats they will "ensure" that Republican Nominee Donald Trump loses the election. Trump scares Democrats because he is an unconventional candidate with a broad ground-swell of white-male support. Said one Democratic Insider "It's like fighting the Viet Cong out there--if the Viet Cong were cis-white-males. They're all over us--defecting in huge numbers. Hillary can't seem to shame them into coming back with Trump out there."
The GOP Elite feels the same pressure: "We're all gonna be out of a job come November if he wins," one special-interest bundler who requested to remain anonymous told us. "[Trump's] not working the phones. He's not kissing donor ass--the money's just rolling in from hats. Signs. I don't even know what." Facing mutually assured destruction, Reince Pribus has organized an effort to have senior Republican statesmen attack Trump in plausibly deniable ways. Mitch McConnell, House Majority leader, was coached to say it was 'Obvious' that Trump doesn't 'Know Much About The Issues.' Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, received a confidential communication, crafted by Democrats to call Trump's complaint about the La Raza(the Latino KKK) judge "Textbook Racism" when, in fact, it's the other way around (Americans understand that having a hood-wearing KKK member on a bench against a black defendant would be the real definition of Racism).
This plan--hatched by Nancy Pelosi according to inside, confidential sources)--is to allow the GOP to continue in its function of pretending to battle the Obama Agenda while suppressing the real patriots and honest Americans. "It's like the GOP is the Washington Generals to Obama's Harlem Globetrotters," said the insider. "You've gotta make it look like a match--but one side always knows when and how to lose."
"Trump's WWE background though--he's not gonna play along. He wants to WIN--to keep on WINNING. If we do that, we're back to where America was in the 1950's--the world's bully. The top-dog. If we do that, we'd lose all control."
We've known for a long time that the RNC is carefully managed (remember Steel) but this Trump-For-Senate deal should be enough to have Pribus in front of a firing squad. Figuratively speaking. Of course.