Warren Democratic Convention Plank Leaked: GIVE MANHATTAN BACK TO INDIANS

With the fall of Socialist (but at least honest about it) Sanders, Elizabeth Warren has become the likely choice for vice president to consolidate the estrogen voting bloc. Unfortunately for the last remaining moderate Democrats, the conditions for Warren's acceptance (Clinton's unfavorables are so high, it is considered nearly impossible for her to win the presidency under normal models), include this:

A Return of the stolen land of the entire Manhattan Island to the rightful owners of the United Keetoowah Band of the Cherokee (to which she falsely claims heritage).

While non-binding and probably impossible to enforce with regular laws, it is a clear sign of what the Democratic party leadership is considering in its bid to retain the white house. When asked about on the trail in one of her vanishingly rare press conferences, an embattled Hillary Clinton told reporters: "I don't want to talk about it. Ask me about Zika."

A spokesman for the Keetoowah tribe said that while they had rejected a request for "biological-identity membership" on the part of Warren several years ago when she was trying to get into Harvard, a legitimate pledge of the Island of Manhattan and its real estate holdings (valued at 3 Trillion dollars) would make her a "blood sister" with a "real indian name."