Barack FURIOUS: Malia Obama Caught Trying To Join ISIS

A Secret Service Intervention at the White House barely stopped Barack Obama's eldest daughter from fleeting the country to Turkey--and then Syria--to team up with the Islamic State terrorist group known as ISIS. Bags packed, passport ready, it appears that an eagle-eyed secret service agent had been monitoring her online communication. The agent spoke with us on conditions of anonymity.

"Surprising? I . . . don't know. It's well known that Michelle is a pretty radical Islamist. The kids--they pick that up even though we're all supposed to keep it hush-hushed. I think she wanted to make her dad proud, really."

Asked if the Sr. Obama was upset with this, the agent replied:

"Oh, definitely--firstly, she was defying him--leaving without permission. Probably going to marry one of the fighters. That's what they do with young girls. 45 (Obama) has political plans for his girls. He doesn't want them married off to a slew of 'dusty-feet' desert savages. I'd say she's in a lot of trouble."

"Also, he's planning on extending his administration--he's got the dirt on Hillary so he'll be fully in charge when she wins the election. Just like Putin did with [Russian President / Puppet ] [ Dimitry ] Medveded. When Hillary says it's a 3rd Obama term, they aren't kidding. This sort of thing could hurt him."

The increased White House security around the Obama girls has extended to ankle bracelets for monitoring and 27/7 observation by trained agents. This is the second similar incident after Michelle Obama went missing in 2011 after a personal outreach mission to Boko Haram and was photographed holding a Kalashnov rifle to the heads of some of the captured Nigerian girls.